Failed

Well. Yes I remember this feeling.

I went to Crawley today to find that their auto-belay had been removed to be serviced. This is good though, I thought, because it will oblige me to focus on bouldering, which I'm determined to get to grips with.

So I put my shoes on and went over. I set off on the only route (problem) I know, got as far up as before - near the top - and was equally foxed, although a lot more secure as I contemplated my foxedness. I did manage to climb down rather than fall. The move up from there looks like something I'll definitely fall on and I'm about 8 feet up by then; I'm very heavy on my feet, no natural bounce, and I'm concerned I'll just sprain an ankle as I go down. Very likely, I'd say.

So I tried another route near it with exactly the same result. It was nice to find it, and to manage to start from sitting down, but I don't feel ok doing challenging moves above head height without a harness. [Later I spoke to Peak district guy about this who said you just learn how to fall. So I have to learn.]

Then I moved over to the other end of the wall where I knew there were more warm-up routes. I found one. It overhangs. I could see 2 starting holds about 3 inches off the ground, and two more very small ones about 2 feet higher up - but above that it was huge rounded things you squeeze - and overhanging - and there were 2 of these, one a few feet above another. Not a chance. I couldn't even work out which way round to start.

So I ended up leaving after less than 15 minutes. I felt awful. Such a pathetic failure. I hate the feeling of not so much failing as not even working out how to start. And I'm determined that I will include bouldering because I'm sure it's going to help, precisely because I'm so weak at it.

I've got to find a way in, but I couldn't see how. I'd tried having people around, and that felt bad because they were all very advanced and I felt I'd get in their way. But having nobody around didn't work either because I need to ask - well, how to do it. At least I need to watch (which is how I found out how the first route worked).

I do love a smooth, apparently impossible conundrum, and my mind ferreted away at it, trying to find a way in. Really I want some sort of Introduction to it. Then I remembered that when I was on the Beginners' Course at Redhill for roped climbing, one of they guys doing it had climbed previously at a place that only did bouldering. I thought that they must (very likely) have some sort of entry thing, which obviously would be geared up to beginners at that.

The solution is not to think I should be any good at bouldering because I can now climb just a bit, but to see it as something totally new.

I found the place on the net - Craggy Island's Sutton site - and not only do they have a one hour intro thing, they also have the place split into 3 rooms by standard, so the Easy folks (children mainly I think) are separated off from the others which will give me somewhere less intimidating to learn the basics. Maybe I shouldn't need that but - meh - when I'm good (by my standards) at bouldering and it's helping and supporting my other climbing, I won't care how I started.

Oh and the wall rang to say I forgot my shoes at Crawley.

Then in the late evening I did yoga and weights. It went really well and I'm sure now that I'm getting stronger.